Wednesday, October 21, 2015


I haven't posted in forever, and it's just one of those things where I'm overwhelmed on where to start.  We are having an amazing journey, full of growth (which is super painful sometimes, yo), and great times.  But that's not what I want to post about right now.  Right now, is a quick blurb on my oldest girl, Alexis.  She came in about an hour ago, carrying a jar full of pond/irrigation ditch water, and about 10 tadpoles.  She had me look up How to Care for Tadpoles, online right then.   Now for the last 45 minutes, she has been hard at work building a tadpole habitat, using a plastic animal cookie tub that I cut the top 1/3 off of, filling it up with small pebbles, and long grass with roots still attached, "So they have something to hide in and eat, Mom."  

This girl.

This incredible, tough, increasingly hilarious, stubborn, obnoxious, sweet, spunky tomboy who is at the same time all girl.  She kills me.  My fear for her future at times is almost tangible, as I struggle to have anything I teach her absorb into her, "I can do it myself, Mom!" head.  Only to have her turn everything around on me and teach me to be more patient, more trusting, more kind, and again, more patient.

At times I get overwhelmed, with work and the student lifestyle with four kids.  And that what I would view as ick, and bacteria (I'm not a germaphobe, but sometimes I draw the line, generally with swimming in giant muddy rainpuddles, and irrigation ditches),  And just a general inconvenience to what we have going on, her wiggliness, and bouncing everywhere, and can't you just be calm for once? At times I'm frustrated by her being a child, and I can't wait for her to grow up.

And then she brings home tadpoles in a spaghetti jar and though I have a brief, "Where the heck am I supposed to put these?  and will they stink up the house?  and oh man, what if Landon knocks the whole thing over?"  But then, thankfully, the Holy Spirit guides, and encourages me to see this as a moment, one that you can't let go past you,  where you can crush, or build.  And suddenly I'm seeing the world through her eyes.  I sit still, and point out the little tails, and how funny they are, and look at 'em go!I ooh and ahh over her hard work on the habitat, and marvel at her tenacity and creativity.  

Without her, out lives would be incomplete.  She's an incredible sister, and daughter.  I love her more than I ever thought I could love, and I don't say it enough.  How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father, who gives me teaching moments through my children, and has me realize, again and again, how incredibly blessed I am with my children.  Sometimes he teaches us in grand ways, and other times it's with a jar of tadpoles.  I'm grateful for both.   

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Hushing Our Fears

As we get ready for this great adventure coming up of selling all of our things, and moving to Hawaii, I feel that General Conference was just what I needed to hear!  Jan, Tyler, Addy, Ella, and Brady were here for their spring break, and we were able to hang out, shop a bit, go to dinner at a really yummy place called Tucanos, and watch Ella and Brady while they went to the Saturday afternoon session.  I wasn't as diligent as I usually am about my note taking during conference, so I've been going back over and reading all the sessions on my phone and the church website.  One that I did take notes on and pay careful attention to was the talk by Elder David A. Bednar, called "Therefore They Hushed Their Fears."  I felt the truth in that talk to my very bones.  

I have moments of true fear and panic where I start to freak out about the yard sale this weekend, getting everything to Oregon, shipping it from Oregon, and making sure we earn all the money to go with it.  I worry about the kids during the summer and not having insurance.  I stress about how I'm going to work full time while Kevin (hopefully) works full time and what the kids will be doing.  I want to spend time with my family, and my friends while we're there.  Basically I turn into this big bundle of spastoid.  Then I turn to my Heavenly Father in prayer, and the calm and comforting feeling that we are doing what is good and right, and that we will be supported during this comes back to me, and I tell my brain to be quiet, because it's not being productive.   My favorite part of that talk was this quote of scripture:  
“But Alma went forth and stood among them, and exhorted them that they should not be frightened, but … should remember the Lord their God and he would deliver them.  “Therefore they hushed their fears” (Mosiah 23:27–28)

I know that we are going to be okay whenever I think of that scripture, and when I pray.