Cheerios on my yoga mat

Really? That's the post I decided to take a break on? It's been since AUGUST that I last wrote anything! Good grief (hey, it's Christmastime, you know that everyone is watching Charlie Brown). This post is about something I deal with at least a couple times a week: working out with children in your house. Children who happen to be awake at the time you are trying to work out, in the same 4 inch space as where you are trying to do a downward dog, chaturanga, round-house kick or whatever! I think you see my point. It is so cold here that running at 6:50 in the morning is not really an option I like to choose. Nor is going outside to do my yoga like I do in the summertime. So it means in the living room, next to the wood burning stove; which on the plus side gives you a great sweat session! The kids see me start my workout, and that means immediate requests for: hold me! water, please! shoes on! I went potty - come wipe me! When those are declined, ignored (except for the potty one, that's just a mess waiting to happen otherwise!) then the kids fall into the dance of doing what mommy is doing....right next to me. Which means I dance around trying to find an open area to kick or stretch. OR they eat snacks right next to me which means I am stepping on cheerios and whatnot the whole time. The best (and by that I mean worst) time is when the dog decides to get into it too. There's nothing like a downward dog pose where your dog starts licking your face while you're trying to concentrate on your breathing. I'm complaining, I know. But it's also kind of fun sometimes. Especially when I lay down to do ab stuff, and the kids take that as "jump on mommy!" time. But that's some great tickling, airplane, bonding opportunities that I take time to enjoy. The whole point of working out is to be a stronger me, and a better, happier, fitter mommy for the punks. What would be the point if I didn't include them? As a reminder for myself, and all mom's that are trying to be healthy - there will be lots of time to namaste without the extra noise and craziness. I should just be grateful that I have healthy, happy kids that want to be wherever I am - because I know that when they are teenagers, I will probably be low on the list of people to hang with (I hope not, but it's most likely gonna happen.)

I love you this big

So in the past week, I went from this:

Showing off the muffin top (hey, it was baby tummy in the making!) Being very excited, and once again very surprised that I was expecting our 4th baby!
To:
............................................nothing. Just me again.
I miscarried on Tuesday, at roughly 6 weeks along. I had been feeling fine, a little crampy that morning, but nothing big. I ran errands all around town for a couple hours, getting ready for Sydney's 2nd birthday party, feeling about the same. But when I got home the cramping intensified, and when I used the restroom there was bright red spotting, along with some lower back pain. This isn't my first rodeo - I know that brown is okay, light pink is fine, but bright red is bad. So I called my doc - I still hadn't made an appointment, because I knew they would want to wait until around 10 weeks anyway - but just to see what they thought. In the time it took for them to call back I had started bleeding pretty heavily, and when I spoke with the nurse, I said " I don't need you to confirm it, I know what's going on." I went to my room, and said a prayer and cried for a couple minutes. Then, told myself to get it together, because there was nothing to be done for it, and there were quite a few people coming over for Syd's party. Kevin got home and though I had talked to him on the phone, telling him in person was so hard. His face just fell. The rest of the night passed in a blur, and when night came, I just felt numb. Today however, has been full of emotions. Mainly, "was this my fault?" I ran with a team last weekend for the Cascade Lakes Relay, and the 12 of us ran a total of 216.6 miles from Diamond Lake to Bend. I can claim 12.5 of those miles. I can't help but wonder if I pushed it too hard, or if my lackadaisical attitude towards this pregnancy caused me to do too much in general in life. From everything I've read, miscarriages in the first 12 weeks show a problem with the fetus, whether in implanting, or in the chromosomes, but not with the mother. That's comforting, but it's really hard to shut the voice in my head up sometimes, that says in a small way that I've failed. I've taken my mom's advice today though, and let myself mourn the loss of what could have been. I put housework, and all other things to the side, and just played with my children and enjoyed them and the cute and funny things they do. I look at them and see so much joy and happiness - they make everything right.
Kevin also took me out tonight, we went to Fred Myer at the bakery counter (don't judge! Everything there is delicious!) where we got these treats,

then went to the park to just be together and talk. I am so grateful for him - even when he drives me insane - he is my best friend, and he reminds me again and again we are always in - whatever it may be - it together.
It's a very hard things to describe your feelings when you miscarry. And I don't want to go on and on, because really, I could. But I choose to focus on the bright side of this. First of all, this has shown us that we really aren't done having kids. We thought for sure that 3 was our max - but when we found out I was pregnant, we were over the moon. We're not done after all. Maybe not for a little while, but definitely not done. And secondly, it confirms our faith and belief of eternal families. That baby, whether boy or girl, is mine. Ours. For all eternity if we live the Lord's commandments, and I want to hold him or her in my arms. While I may not get the chance to do that here, I know that I can. I heard this song on the radio on the way home, and the end lyrics are what I would say to this baby:


I Love You This Big lyrics

So much bigger than I ever dreamed my heart ever would
I love you this big
And I'd write your name in stars across the sky
If I could, I would

I love you this big
Oh, eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

Busy June

Wow, this has been quite a month for us! At the beginning of the month we had family pictures taken by the amazing Maria Alexandra, of Maria Alexandra Photography (Here is the website www.mariaalexandraphotography.com ) We absolutely love them! Here are a few:















After getting the pictures done it was Father's Day, and I (Becky) had a BBQ to put on with my side of the family - hot dogs, chicken, salad, and these yummy and cute brownies!



That day I had a 5k race called "The longest day" since it was at 7:30 at night! My sister in law Jill ran it too, and she kicked my butt! However, I did do better than my last race, so it was a good run for me.



Sunday was Father's Day, so it was a day making a big breakfast, a talk at church, and then dinner at my in-law's house for Rick! Monday was
our Lexi's birthday - I can't believe my first baby is 3 already.....



So crazy - 36 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing, and what was crazy is I would do it all over again! She is such a light in our house, and we love her more and more every day. Happy Birthday, little peanut.

We did have a party for Lexi the following weekend - we waited because Uncle Andrew came home from Texas!! I will post the pictures from the party later.
Then, let's see, we're up to the 28th of June now, we decided it would be great to take 3 kids camping with Uncle Andrew at the coast. Quick recap:
3 kids, 3 adults (sort of, maybe just 1) 1 tent, 3 days, 2 nights.
Sand. Lots of sand.
Sunburn - a little bit :(
Dirt. Lots of dirt.
Tantrums - a lot from the babies, a couple from the grown ups too.
Sleep. Some of it.
S'mores, giggles, chipmunks, food, hot chocolate, walks, lessons learned and memories made - lots of them.

When we got back (this is getting to be a really long post!) on Thursday, I had one night to recuperate, and then it was Party Time! My parents have been married for 40 years - 40 YEARS! - today, the 3rd of July. We planned a surprise party for them on Saturday night out at my brother Matt's house with about 45 people there - granted, our family alone makes about 25 - It was great! My dad knew date and time, but it was a total surprise for my mom, who cried and called us all liars and sneaks (In a good way, I promise). I'll also post more about that later, with pictures.

All in all, a crazy, fun filled month, and it all wraps up with the 4th of July tomorrow - a day of:
A race for me! My first 10k in Ashland - wish me luck! More BBQ, bubbles, swimming, A NAP, and awesome displays of light and fire tomorrow night. Andrew goes back home Tuesday morning, and then things (maybe?) will calm down around this place! Well, really, with 3 kids, as much as things can calm down I suppose!
Happy 4th of July everyone! Yay for America!!

Perfect

I watched this video, and thought, I've got to share this (that is, in between my tears I thought that) I've got to write how I feel about this.




I love this song. I've got it downloaded on my ipod, on my playlist, every time I hear it on the radio I turn it up - it's something I need to remind myself of. It is so easy to let myself believe I should be someone else, that I've become a boring mom, that I'm overweight, that I'm a bad wife.....the list could go on forever. But instead of tuning into that negativity, I push it away. I don't need excuses, I'm perfect being me. I especially need to hear that when I worry about working out, that I'm not getting the results I think I should - to remind myself that I am not working out to get skinny, to fit in, or look like a celebrity mom. I'm working out to be strong and healthy and a more awesome me. I caught up on Glee last night, and watched the episode where they were looking for an anthem - well, for me this is my anthem today (I reserve the right to change it as I see fit). I am more than a number on a scale, the van I drive, or the mom jeans I currently wear :)Even if I never worked out again, I am perfect just the way I am, and I am a child of God. I need to remember to tell my kids and my husband that important lesson every day, and also everyone I'm around - because we all need to know that.

Count your blessings

I'm going to take a page from Matthew Henry ( a 17th century theologian and bible scholar.) He was once robbed, and later recorded in his journal (I'm summarizing this) Let me be thankful. First, that it was the first time I was ever robbed. Second, though he took my purse, he did not take my life. Third, though he took all my money, it wasn't much. And fourth, that it was I that was robbed, and not I who did the robbing.

So today, I'm going to be thankful. Here is the background, and I really hope I don't come off as Debbie Downer! For the past week, I have had three sick babies, and I am sick as well. Sydney woke up Saturday at about 1 am with croup, and a double ear infection (again!) Lexi came down with something Sunday evening, and ran a fever of an average of 103.5 for about 3 days, then came down with pink eye! Austin has had a cold since Monday, I took him to the Pediatrician's today, and it turns out he has RSV (a respiratory virus that's really hard on babies) and now he has to have nebulizer treatments to help his breathing, and not get any sicker or he could be in the hospital. I have been sick since Monday, spiked a fever of 103 on Wednesday, which thankfully broke the same night since Kevin took over and I slept for almost 13 hours straight! Kevin was also gone on Monday and Tuesday for business, and also has to work during the day, so I've pretty much been flying solo except for yesterday, when he came home around 1 pm.
I have heard that happiness is a frame of mind, and I'm trying to cultivate it. Here is the list that I have come up with over the course of today, while washing, cleaning and sterilizing nearly everything in my house! It's amazing the amount of laundry that has to be done when everyone is sick!
1. So thankful for modern medicine, like Tylenol, nebulizers, and antibacterial eye drops. I'm also thankful for homeopathic medicines, like saline spray, honey syrup for coughs, and earache drops.
2. Thankful for access to competent, reliable doctors and nurses, who really are just a phone call away. And on that note, pharmacists as well.
3. Family members who have helped with advice, and running to the pharmacy for medicines (Thank you Matt!!)
4. That I can stay home, without having to take time off work, or find a sitter. I know that this is not the case for everyone, and to each their own situation. But for me, I am very grateful to be able to stay home and cater to their every need.
5. A warm home to be in, with hot water, electricity - one that is clean, dry and safe. I know there are so many others that are without these basic needs, and my heart truly aches for them, and how hard that must be knowing that where you live may be the cause of your baby being sick.
6. A husband that is willing to take more than his share to help me through all of this.
7. Prayer. Because I know that Heavenly Father has heard every single one of mine, especially the ones at 3 in the morning when I am so tired and frustrated and congested and feel like I cannot keep going.

And that's where I'm going to end this post for now - there are so many other things, too many to really list - but life is calling and I have to take care of sickies. Be thankful everyone!

Working out is really, surprisingly working out well

All my life, I have been obsessed with being thin. I was happy, but always wanted to weigh a little bit less, have the curves in the right places though - basically I wanted to be lean, but with curves at the same time. And I was always slightly disappointed with my body. Not so much that anyone would notice, but still, always there. That all changed when I got pregnant with Lexi. Suddenly, I had this amazing body that could carry a baby in it - it was amazing! And I didn't have to worry about being thin, because heck! I was pregnant, buddy! It felt great just to be me, and not really freak out about if my jeans fit, because really, they all had elastic waste bands anyway. Along with that came the I can eat what I feel like train of thought - not such a good idea when after I had her, the weight didn't just disappear! I felt the same when 4 months later, I was pregnant with Sydney! And then, after that, with Austin! Now, with Austin, I really had learned my lesson from Lexi - I needed to eat better. So, I only gained what I needed to with him, and it came off about a week after I had him. Now I need to work on getting rid of the extra weight from the previous pregnancies! But really, I don't care about weight now. I have four goals: One, fit in my wedding jeans, which are the jeans I fit in when I got married. Two, run the Pear Blossom for the 5k - and run the whole way. For me this is a big goal, because I hate running. I'm trying to change that perspective, one mile at a time. Three, successfully complete p90x - which involves two things: One, all 90 days working out. Two, being able to do 15 of each kind of push up, wide, military, regular, and at least one pull up without a chair! And the fourth goal is the Portland Sprint Triathlon in August - 750 m swim, 20k bike, and 5k run. I don't have times to beat, I just want to finish it! All of these goals give me the ultimate benefit - a healthier me. I have stopped caring about being skinny. I want to be strong, strong from head to toe (my toes will be doing curls!) I need to be tough to keep up with these kids of mine - I'm greatly outnumbered! I want to be able to push my body to be stronger, faster - not worry about the number on the scale. I would say I'm not doing this for anyone else, but that's a lie. I'm working out for me, yes, but I'm also doing this to be a stronger mom, more active with my kids. I'm also doing it to look hot for my husband! But ultimately, to have a sense of satisfaction in setting and finishing my goals, and I really miss my jeans! So good luck to me!

Kind of cheating....

So I feel like I'm kind of cheating on my blog, because these aren't my original thoughts, but they are two poems that have been going through my head today. The first was in a book of poems I had as a little girl.
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow…

For children grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs, dust go to sleep;

I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.

I feel like my days are just so full of the cleaning and fussing, and griping about how I can't wait for them to be big enough to leave me alone for 20 minutes! But then I look at how Austin is already changing so much, and then I look at Lexi and Sydney and see how big they are already. Lexi can put her shoes on by herself. She can get things out of the fridge and put them back. She's going on the potty already! And I want to rewind to when she was a baby and I could rock her to sleep. Sydney is talking more and more, which I love, but sometimes I actually miss those late night feedings with just me and her and the house so quiet at 2 am. So today, when they get up from their naps, my housework can just pound sand.


This is a poem my mom has on her wall, and I love it - She also has a plaque with this funny ugly little lady on it that says "Housework makes you ugly"

I will not have a temper tantrum nor stomp across the floor.

I will not pout, scream or shout or kick against the door.

I will not throw my food around nor pick upon another.

I’ll always try to be real good because I am the mother.

Oh boy, there are days where I really feel like this! Everything that comes out of my mouth gets repeated, so the days of the cuss-slip are over!! Now it's all internal :) And from my mouth you get things like cookie crumbles and biscuits!